Experiencing brain fog

This week, different topics to write about kept swirling through my head. But –unfortunately–  I kept putting off the actual writing. It was only Monday. I still had plenty of time to write a coherent post. But then Monday turned into Tuesday and finally it became Friday (today) and I still hadn’t written a single word. But I’ve had all these different ideas, so I just had to pick one, outline my thoughts and write it down. Right?

Brain fog

Well no, not really. Because as soon as my official weekend started and I got out of bed for the second time, the brain fog rolled in. Looking back, I could have been expecting a foggy day. But I had overlooked the signs. Brain fog for me, is something I didn’t experience before my brain injury. Or at least I can’t remember having a similar experience in my previous life. However, I think it’s one of those things most people quickly experience after their injury.

As the word implies, brain fog feels like there is a sever fog in my brain. This makes thinking  extremely difficult. Following your thoughts or staying focussed becomes exhausting. After a couple of minutes I just get distracted and trying to get back on topic becomes increasingly difficult. As a result, I fear that this post will contain a bit of rambling.

Writing a blog post

With my foggy state, picking a topic and writing a comprehensible post turned out to be too difficult. Nevertheless I still wanted to write something. Doing these weekly posts helps me putting my thoughts in order. And well this foggy state does show the reality of life with a brain injury.

Eventually I narrowed it down to two topics; exercise and the news. But writing a whole blog post just didn’t work out. My mind kept going in circles and I couldn’t get either topic outlined or find a positive ending. Just thinking about exercising and all the pitfalls was tiring. I really thought I could write a post on this subject. On the things I’ve learned after multiple failed attempts or at least try to do. But forcing my brain only seemed to make the fog more dense. So the whole post will have to wait. I’ll just continue with this rambling.

Next up, I thought I would write an uplifting posts as I got quite fed up with all the news. Every time you check the news there seems to be another story that severely challenges your faith in politics. I’d hoped to write a resilient, positive view. But with my distraction-prone mind I kept ending up reading more news and getting more discouraged. So I ditched that idea as well.

Giving in

So back to the brain fog. It is frustrating that I’ve had a pretty good week, but got this brain fog as soon as my weekend began. It just doesn’t feel fair. During the week I can use my brain and be my spontaneous, happy self (well I try to be). While during the weekend I’m reduced to lying on the couch or in bed, unable to write a coherent post.

However, I know that I shouldn’t complain. Looking at the news, I (luckily) do realize that my problems are nothing compared to the struggles other people face every single day. I have a roof over my head, money to pay the bills and food in my refrigerator. A large majority in the world isn’t as lucky. Does that change my situation?

Well no. But knowing that other people have to live through much harder situations, helps me to find a little bit of determination and strength to go on. It also gives me a chance to practise gratitude. And so today I choose to look at the positive side:

• I’m grateful that I’ve managed to write enough words for this post.
• I’m grateful for initiatives that help people with a brain injury to exercise.
• I’m grateful that I live in a free and democratic country.
• I’m grateful that my brain helped me during the week and I’ll try to give it a relaxing weekend.

Coincidently, I stumbled on the following (beautiful and fitting) cover of Imagine by Pentatonix. Keep your tissues ready 🙂