A weekend of involuntary rest

coffee and bed

The weekend is my favourite part of the week and I often have all kinds of plans. To take a walk in nature, bake something sweet or reach out to people. On Friday night I frequently have a list of all the things I would like to do. But much too often come Saturday, I wake up to a different reality. The energy I felt the night before has dissipated in the night like a puff of smoke.

Shifting gears

Instead of going outside and being active, I don’t feel like doing anything. No matter how often I return to bed or how many cups of coffee I drink, I still feel tired. Reading a book or watching a series is about the only activity I can put my mind to. At the end of the day I feel like I’ve done nothing. That I’ve ‘wasted’ the day. Before I fall asleep I promise myself that I’ll cross something off that list the following day.

When I awake with a persistent headache on Sunday morning, it’s time to cut my losses. I won’t be crossing off anything. This day will also consists of resting, sleeping and reading. Hopefully these two days of resting will be enough to restore my energy so I can work again on Monday.

These kinds of weekends happen far too often and frustrate me to no end. As it’s starting to feel like I’m living to work, rather than the other way around.

This weekend I had to face once more that I’d reached my limits. Thankfully these past five years have taught me to enjoy spending a weekend alone with a book. But there’s still a voice in the back of my mind that says that I’ve wasted yet another weekend doing nothing.

It’s that struggle between knowing and feeling again. It may feel like I did nothing, but I know that I have to listen to my body. I’ve learned not to fight myself whenever I need to rest.

So there, I did something, I recharged my battery.

One last time

Luckily there is a silver lining. As this is not only the last week before the Christmas holidays, it’s also the last week that I have to work!

Only one more week in which my job determines my life. One more week in which almost all of my energy will go towards working. Which hopefully also means that this is the last weekend were I could only rest, in order to recharge my battery.

As I’ve mentioned somewhere in September, my work contract will end this year, This provided the perfect opportunity to do something I really want to do. To travel. In February my travel adventure will begin.

A bunch of adventures

And honestly, I have conflicting emotions about this last ‘normal’ working week. Feelings of relief but also of insecurity. Perfectly explained by the expression “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t”.

Nevertheless, l I fully stand by my decision. No matter my limitations, brain injury or fears, I’m going to make a dream come true. Therefore I choose to think of it as an adventure. Or as a bunch of small adventures combined.

Next week the adventure of life without a job will begin. The adventure part being in how it’ll make me feel. Will I still need as much sleep during the day? Will I be able to handle lights and sounds better? Will I feel more energized? How much of my identity do I derive from my job?

Time will tell.

The start of a new phase

All the preparations for the actual travel are an adventure on its own. Booking tickets, getting travel insurance and terminating my lease among others.

As the preparations are still in full swing, I don’t think I’ll land in a black hole without my job. I’ve compiled a whole new list of things I need, or want, to do in the next six weeks. Not only to prepare for my travels, but also a wish list of blog- and social media related tasks.

By next week I hope that I’ll feel more energized and can begin checking off items. But first I have to survive this last week of work. Here goes nothing. 🙂

involuntary rest pin

Do you find yourself having to spend weekend involuntary resting often? What are your solutions?

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